Non-Monogamy & Feminism

A Happy Coupling

When I started reading about nonmonogamy, I began to realize that a lot of the appeal for me came from how closely it fell in line with my feminist beliefs. Because I've been socialized to see monogamy as the default, even within the feminist circles I've been part of, this seemed to me counterintuitive at first. But after a while, I realized that this was based on misconceptions of nonmonogamy and everything clicked in my head. There are two things in particular that helped me make this connection.

For starters, what I've heard, read, and witnessed over and over again is that nonmonogamy requires each person to be completely honest with themselves first and foremost. Each person must be open to exploring their needs, and must have a sense of what they want before taking action. So often in our society, we are expected to go along with things blindly. A set of rules exists that people hardly ever question. We are meant to follow a roadmap created centuries ago, even though the roads on that map have since changed or completely disappeared. We are led to believe that once you're committed to somebody, you've now become one. Women especially are generally expected to put themselves last. They must worry about their children husbands, parents, jobs, household chores, etc. all before thinking about themselves. As feminists, we recognize that this should not be the case. And in a nonmonogamous relationship, this can't be the case because you aren't successful unless you're navigating according to your needs and desires… full article